i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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