i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
