Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
