conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Randomize
