Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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