now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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