just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
