his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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