Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
