its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
