one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
