The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
