I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
