Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
