If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
