I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
