dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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