Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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