Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
