She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
