woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
