she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
