I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
