well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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