i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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