there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
