ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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