Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
