Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
