o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
