i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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