Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
