the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
