What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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