I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
