don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize