i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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