He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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