Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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