i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
