this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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