I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
