I think i peed on brittanys purse
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
