He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
