I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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