the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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