Sponge bath it is.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
