I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
