Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
