WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
