Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
