Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
