Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
