Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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