I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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